Ohio Girl

1-If an administrator in a work meeting says the word “exciting,” or “dynamic” enough times that means the meeting IS exciting and dynamic.

2-If i use Xenical--the diet drug now available over the counter--exactly as directed i will not only lose weight, but i will be able to ROLLER BLADE by the beach. I am not sure which beach.

3-If a construction company buys up foreclosed farmland and names the new subdivision they build "country estates," it still FEELS like you live in the country.

4-If the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency (ICE) erroneously deports a US citizen with diagnosed mental disorders to Tijuana, they have not committed an error as long as they THOUGHT they were deporting a non-citizen.

5-If the President of the United States breaks  US law but has written a letter describing why he does not LIKE that particular law, he has not broken the law.

If a redneck’s head explodes in the woods and there is no one around to hear it does it still make a sound?

Hell yes it does and it was confirmed just a few minutes ago with that collective, high-pitched, whistling sound followed by a loud, quick “pop.” I know, you thought it was a car backfiring, but it was the exploding heads of thousands of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. fans. Well, hundreds anyway. Those without internet or cable hook-up out in the trailer parks and backwoods will find out a little later.*

Junior announced he will be driving for Hendrick Motorsports—will be teammates with whiny, pretty-boys Gordon and Johnson--in 2008. He has gone to the other side. He has joined the enemy. My, how the world does turn.

I must admit I had hoped against all odds and gossip that this would not happen. Part of the fun of NASCAR is transferring the frustrations and annoyances of the everyday to the race rivalries on the track and I have gotten a lot of therapeutic, mileage out of the Gordon-Earnhardt divide. It will take the punch out of the family betting pool too which has largely fallen along the same lines.

I must also admit I am excited for Junior. This is his chance to race in the best equipment available and to do so without the shadow of the Intimidator always one step behind. He will prove his skill once and for all, or he won’t. That’s all a fan can ask for.

*I am 100% hillbilly on my mother’s side and 75% on my Dad’s. Hillbillies--being the kissing cousins of the rednecks—are therefore permitted to make fun of fellow hillbillies AND rednecks safely, without being offensive. You know, just in case you were wondering.