Ohio Girl

Happy Winter everyone! Can you believe it’s that time of year again? Yes, that’s right, time for my annual Christmas card letter! I know I have been a little out of touch so I’ll make sure and bring you all up to speed.

I moved a while back. After being a North Coast Ohio Girl for a time I decided to head back South and put down roots. I got myself a little job in a little town and a cute, little house to boot. I got all set for baking in the winter and gardening in the spring and even Sophie the dog shed her leather collar for a red bandana and a little, doggie straw hat.

I should not have fallen asleep during that Anne of Greene Gables marathon on PBS because I think it colored my thinking. The first thing to go wrong was realizing that I don’t bake. The second was realizing I don’t garden. From there the little job in the little town went farther South than I had.

I had an insufferable boss. She wore tall, pointy heels but did not possess the balance or the physique to actually walk in them. Instead, her lower body moved a full minute after her upper body giving her a rooster effect. That is not, of course, what made her insufferable, but it did not help.

So, I left the little town and, like Anne, got a job in the nearest big town. I spent the first few commutes kicking and screaming which made driving difficult. My vision of a simple small town life had been replaced by the reality of traffic and running a large shelter for women.

Meanwhile, back in Cleveland , my house had not sold and the renovation of my new house got delayed. I had woken up in my own worst nightmare; being a thirty-something living with my parents. The fact that my Mom was doing all my laundry made things even worse, but I did not ask her to stop. I mean, if things are going to go wrong you might as well be wearing clean undies.

Running the shelter meant learning a whole bunch of stuff that I did not know about such as health department inspections and plumbing and bed bugs. Who knew the little bastards were real and not just something you say to kids at night to make them itch and have bad dreams?

I got to know a whole lot about plumbing. The bathroom above my office flooded, not once, but twice. The biggest flood sent fecal matter through the ceiling light fixture where it landed on my computer keyboard. As I threw away files and argued over the phone with the supply lady about why a new keyboard was, in fact, necessary, something happened to me. Some say I finally lost my mind. I prefer to think of it as a Zen epiphany. As shit literally rained from above I decided it was time to let go. Que sera, whatever will be, and all that jazz.

Slowly, things started to get better.

I started to like my job. One night when the staff called me at home to ask me what to do about the drunken resident who was dancing naked on the third floor window sill, it just hit me. THIS is where I need to be.

I realized I did not mind the commute. There is something about the transition from country to city everyday that fits who I am; it’s the best of both worlds. And really, what is the commute home, but a happy hour on wheels?

I got to go on a very cool, road trip. I drove across the country and saw Carhenge and Chimney Rock (I prefer the tribal name ‘Elk Penis’) in Nebraska . I saw Zion National Park and the Grand Canyon and Joshua Tree and, of course, the Hoover Presidential Library. Can’t go through Iowa without seeing THAT!

I also sold my Cleveland house, finally. My new house it almost ready. And of course, it’s my favorite time of year. Who could ask for more? 

Remember friends, some years are better than others, but it isn’t all bad until you’ve got shit on your head. Hope 2008 is a good one! Merry Christmas!